James Kirk beamed down to the shore leave planet alone. He'd had no intention of staying for leave, merely to survey the various beam-down points for the crew. He signed heavily. He didn't often argue with Spock, but when he did, it was always a doozy.
Half-opened eyes did not see how the dim light cast shadows to the right, making the figure on the bed seem larger than life. It was as well. Such a sight would only add bitterness to frustration as sweaty fingers finally gave up the effort and moved away from organs that refused to swell.
Kirk tosses and turned restlessly. Unbidden, the day's events returned to his mind.
Spock's long fingers closing on the enemy's shoulders in a painful pinch that had the being screaming before it had mercifully fainted; Spock's powerful grip locking on a monstrous creature's neck and then severing it with an audible crack, accompanied by the grotesque grimace of agony.
Why did his mind play these episodes again and again? Every time his mind's eye saw them, he grew increasingly fascinated, like a voyeur watching someone else's private eroticism.
"Then, there's nothing physically wrong with me?" Kirk sat up on the edge of the table where he had been lying for the past thirty minutes or so while his CMO and friend, Leonard McCoy, tried to discover the cause of a problem plaguing the young Enterprise captain.
"Jim," McCoy finally said, turning to star into the worried eyes. "I've checked you out for just about everything that might be causing this and I have to tell you that, while I can't be one hundred percent sure, there seems to be no physical cause for your impotence."
Damn! Damn! Damn! The captain of the Enterprise hit the bag again and again, oblivious to the stares of the few crew members who were working out in the gym at that hour.
Why did I do it? Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!
The heavy bag swayed under the onslaught. Sweat ran down Kirk's back; damp hair clung to his skull, dark brown against his skin.
If only I wouldn't think of it. If only I could forget.
James Kirk was in love.
To anyone who knew him, it was blindingly obvious: his bouncy stride, his ferocious joviality, all spoke of a man totally content with his lot. But more than that, to those who knew him well, it was also clear that hebelieved this one might be special the relationship he had been searching for, perhaps all of his life.
June 1991