(Best novel, 1988, Surak awards)
Jenny Starr
The time traveler snorted his annoyance at the stupid question. "By changing what lies in the past, fool!" Raising a fist, he shook it slowly at the sky, his voice cold with determination.
"One thing is certain, James Kirk must die!" As though in answer, the wind keened a dirge.
* * * * *
"Spock?" Kirk said very softly.
Spock's brow rose at the sound of the suddenly vulnerable voice. "Yes, Captain?" Kirk was staring down at the paper. He was quiet for a long moment. Then, "I've never felt so...fragile. So...mortal." His voice was still hushed, as though in reverence. Spock took a step forward. "Jim...." Kirk looked up, read the concern in the brown eyes. He smiled. "How's that for colossal ego? I'm more afraid of myself blinking out than I was the whole universe." Spock's voice trembled, just slightly. Perhaps it was the lateness of the hour. Or perhaps it was the echo of Kirk's voice in the air, saying a word Spock had never heard or ever thought to hear from this man.
Afraid.
"Jim," he said gently. "McCoy and I will be successful."
* * * * *
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, the scene in the circle froze. Spock said, "Now!" and he and McCoy jumped through the portal and disappeared.
The machine lapsed again into its mute, stony indifference.
Kirk felt himself shiver. Despite the contingent of Marines milling around him, it occurred to him that he'd never heard such quiet. Raising his head, he stared upward, into the masses of stars seeded like tiny islands in an endless ocean of black.
And on his own tiny island, a pinpoint of rock in the void, he stood. Amid the swirling dust devils and moans of Moriah's wind, he waited.
Alone.
And very mortal.
* * * * *
Jim's eyes opened and gazed shyly back at him. His lips curved in a small smile, as he whispered, "That was cosmic. I mean it was the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me."
Spock reached up and smoothed the tousled blond hair back from the face. "To me, also," he whispered back.
Jim's smile broadened. "Really?"
"Really."
Closing his eyes, Jim sighed and moved closer to bring his forehead against Spock's. They lay silently that way for a few minutes before he said softly, "I wish you could take me with you."
Spock turned his head slightly to kiss a bare shoulder. "That is illogical. You will be there when I return."
Jim shook his head, his hair making a rustling sound on the pillow. "No. That's not me.
That's him."
*****
Kirk leaned back tiredly against the wall, reaching up a hand to push the wet lock of hair off his forehead. "So where do I go from here?" He laughed bitterly. "At the age of thirty-six do I suddenly start laying every guy on the Enterprise?"
"Do you want to lay every man on the ship?" McCoy waited a beat before adding, "Or just somebody you can honestly love?"
Kirk made an impatient sound. "You've yet to convince me that I'm even capable of love."
"Well," McCoy said mildly, "give me time. Rome wasn't built in a day."
Kirk stared at him, studying his face intently. "You think I can love Spock?"
COVER (color) by Chris Soto. ART by Chris Soto. December 1988
