Jenna Sinclair
That meld had been different, very different. Although he and Spock had melded before inthe line of duty, it had been a while since they had done so while Kirk had been in his right mind, not suffering from amnesia or a life-threatening injury. In fact, Kirk mused, it had probably been more than a year since his last 'normal' meld with Spock. So much had happened in that year. That awful trip to Vulcan. Spock's smile. Being stabbed by the fake Andorian Thelev. Sargon and Henoch. How alone he had felt in Tholian space. How wonderful it had been to be back.
***
Kirk thought he had never seen anything so admirable as that small controlled movement.
It was a moment of triumphant forgiveness. Not all the hurts inflicted upon a half-breed growing up in a rigid society, not a father's eighteen year rejection, not even T'Pring's most intimate of all denials had succeeded in hardening his friend. Spock had not been molded into a stone-hearted Vulcan, or into a heartless human cynic. His friend had more than the strength to endure, he was also secure enough to forgive, even in the face of Stonn's provocation.
And in that moment, Kirk thought, he had never loved his friend more.
***
He watched Spock take in slow rasping breaths, his chest heaving under the light blue Sickbay cover. It had been close. Too damned close. Kirk closed his eyes and willed thought away. Don't think of what might have been, he commanded himself. Don't. Remember Bones' voice over the intercom saying, "He'll be all right, Jim," remember the feeling of relief that flooded your body. Hold on to that.
***
"No," came the strangled reply. Brown eyes opened, and Kirk could see the glistening of extra moisture as Spock blinked back tears. "No, I am not injured." He turned to slowly face Kirk. His whisper carried disbelief and astonishment. "It is...it is just...you make me feel so much.... It is difficult to assimilate...I am unfamiliar...." The rest of the words trailed off and his eyes closed again.
***
Spock took a deep breath which ended on an almost-sob. "It is exactly as I have feared. I yearn for you, Jim, I long to experience closeness with you in both the human and the Vulcan ways, body to body and mind to mind. But that very longing is a wild emotion over which I have no control. You cause me to experience all the emotions of my mother's race, but the lessons of my Vulcan father are all I have to deal with them, and those lessons have proven...inadequate."
Spock shook his head, sadly, his eyes now downcast. "I am not currently in any position to be making plans for the future."
***
It was simple. It was profound. It was the single most intense experience of Kirk's life and unlike any other meld they had ever shared. They floated together in a green flowing place, stripped of everything except what they truly were. The few sparks that had escaped from beyond the wall had accompanied them here, and Kirk watched as Spock joyfully threw his head back while they fell upon him like gentle snowflakes.
COVER by Chris Soto.
ART by Chris Soto
December 1991
